Reports came in several nights ago of a controversy brewing in deepest Famardy. Isiastride, the walled city that birthed the Southern Rebellion, had been attacked and slaughtered by the Council’s band of brigadiers “The Crusaders.” Over half, the rumors say, of the citizens lay dead, many still littering the streets. The other half has been overcome with grief and dementia, triggered by whatever Armageddon the Council has brought upon it.
The very kingship of Famardy was wrested from the hands of the Wolf King by the Crusaders during this invasion. As a Council given power, the Commander of the Crusaders may make themselves acting monarch of any Council nation at any point they choose to do so. What’s most surprising, however, is the usurper of this story: our very own King Samuel Not-Halldhor Exbaltaira. Clearly not content with conquering the State under a bloody crusader, King Samuel liberated all of Famardy so that he may enact bloody revenge against the magic city of Isiastride.
For a single, gleaming moment, it almost seemed like things were right. Like we had a true king once more. That the glorious tradition of the State was being enkindled, and that our beautiful black flags would fly over another nation.
But alas! poor State, it was not meant to be. Just minutes after the deposition, King Very-Not-Halldhor relinquished the nation back to the Wolf King. But not only did he turn over the kingdom, he promised to pay for the land he, WE, no longer have! Our already too high taxes are being raised so that we may pay tribute to the Wolf King!
A Complainer tried to reach the King for a statement, but uncovered something far more disturbing. He could not find the King, usually freely available in the Council territory. Instead he could only find his aide. His human aide. His human, female (not that there’s anything wrong with that as evidenced by the ever beautiful and intelligent and lovely Dollthel) aide. In fact, he could find none of the Crusaders; only a group of oddly dressed woman with the occasional man. Most of whom were orcs.
When questioned, the aide fell into hysterics, trying desperately to defend the King when nary a criticism was laid. So loyal was she that she almost seemed fond of our King. Could this mean an affair with a human, a foreigner while playing General and continuing to ignore his duties as King? While King Samuel of Exbaltaira is off having his fun with humans and Sarnu knows what else, the State is struggling and divided!
THIS ISSUE’S HEADLINES
Dollthell – Still Totally Awesome book review
Stories of the Fourth War: Is Cog to Blame for it All?
Men and Women Disappear From Villages
How to Tell if a Dwarf Lady is Actually a Hairy Halfling
The Demilitarized Zone: The Forgotten Sanctuary?
Sexual Harassment on Council Territory!
Satyrs: The New Gnome?
Okime Appears to Have Forgotten Everything
Sarenuian Giants: Big Phonies?